Thursday, June 12, 2014

Things you only hoped for

A friend of mine on facebook shared this image today. I read it, ready to feel a little upbeat and positive from a clever saying while I continued looking at my newsfeed.

   What I didn't do was prepare myself for a wave of emotion.I didn't expect this simple black and white image to hit me quite so hard.

  Because right now, I am struggling. I am trying to enjoy life as it comes, while I impatiently tap my foot waiting for a few key things that feel as if they will never happen. I have recently realized I was trying to put a pause on life, waiting for these things to happen for me to truly live. But we all know life doesn't work that way. So much of it has been going by while I have been waiting for events that will make it better. 
    And I don't know how many times I have cried on Aaron's shoulder the past few months, wailing that it was never going to happen.

         Seeing this image reminded me of another time in my life when I was waiting and hoping. Unable to enjoy the life I had, because I couldn't stop focusing on what I didn't have. Believing that the biggest of my hopes was so out of my reach, thinking that I might as well let it go. So many days passed me by while I sat and dreamed about when my life would really start, instead of enjoying the life I had- convinced I would never have my dreams come true.

      And now here I am. I just spent the last few hours feeding, bathing, and tucking in my dream come true. The most amazing of all my hopes and wishes is now my reality.

And that makes me optimistic that, eventually, everything I'm hoping for will be along. But for now, while I wait, I think I'll keep on enjoying the best part of my life.

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